Pause for breath (and play)

A few years ago, when my son was still at childcare, he had a friend I'm going to call Wendy. (I'm calling her Wendy, not to protect her identity but because I cannot remember her name). She was a bit older than him, maybe six or seven months, and at that age, that can still be quite a big deal. Certainly, she was vastly more accomplished. Before she was five, she could read and write in both English and Mandarin. If memory serves, she was learning the piano.

My son got on well with her and he was matter of fact about her achievements - which is more than could be said for his mother and me. We looked at him, we looked at her, we noted the feedback from his childcare teacher about what a bright little boy we had.

But though he recognised all the letters of the alphabet and could count to 50, he certainly couldn't read, let alone write. He could also sing better than his mother and dance so much better than me that I would wonder if we were genuinely related - but he wasn't learning an instrument.

I began to think we might be letting him down a bit. Luckily my wife did not. He needs time to just be a little boy, she said. She was right. These days he reads, writes and is doing well for a child in his third year of school. But he is often tired because he doesn't get as much time to just be a little boy as he used to.

He has a swimming lesson a week. Training for rugby, training for soccer, at least one game every Saturday. If he had his druthers, he'd be playing a third code of football as well, but that was a bridge too far. There are other things he wants to get involved in. He's keen on drama and wants to learn how to play the guitar. The P&C is going to organise a before school language program (French - don't ask), and he wants to do that too.

Right now, he's preparing for his first Holy Communion, which means an hour long meeting after dinner once a week a good 20 minute drive from our house. All of this is taking a toll - he's knackered. He hasn't been this tired since perhaps the end of his first year in school. His face is a bit smudged and he looks disconcertingly like one of these.

When the football seasons (I will never agree again to him playing two at once) end, cricket will be around the corner. But in the window between the two, he can start guitar if he's still keen.

Like all parents, we want the best for him - we want him to learn, to have experiences, to play sport with his friends. The trick is to make sure he has the chance just to be a boy. It's a big year for him and he'll never get it back. Neither will we.

Recently I read Carl Honoré's splendid "Under Pressure", then I got to speak to him on the show. Honoré became famous for an earlier book, "In Praise of Slow", and this new one is really about slow parenting. Taking your time, and making sure the kids take theirs. I read a lot for work and for pleasure too - but it's not often a book strikes such a chord. I think every parent I know should see this one.